


So Much for My Happy Ending

by 4thofFive



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, M/M, how did this get so long?, like a bad harlequin romance, schmaltz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 12:22:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/786008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4thofFive/pseuds/4thofFive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cath realizes Steve might be in love with Danny she takes steps to save her relationship with the SEAL.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Much for My Happy Ending

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "So Much for My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne.
> 
> I suggested this as a plot bunny on LiveJournal but when no one picked it up I decided to write it myself. I just think Cath, after all of her years with Steve, wouldn't give up on their relationship so easily.
> 
> I hope I didn't make Cath seem like a bitch here because that's not how I see her reactions.

So Much for My Happy Ending

 

Catherine Rollins was by no means a stupid woman. She’d graduated near the top of her class at Annapolis and she operated some of the most sophisticated satellite systems in the world. But despite all of that she often found it surprisingly easy to lie to herself, to be blind to things she didn’t want to see. 

 

Like when she was 15 and she’d come downstairs late at night for a glass of water and saw her mother in the kitchen with her father’s best friend. She’d convinced herself they were hugging because he was just a good friend of the family. She chose to ignore the fact that he had his hand up her back under her shirt and her mother was moaning.

 

It was the same thing in her relationship with Steve. For the first years they were friends with benefits – too focused on their careers to want anything more from each other. But over the last couple of years and over those regular trips back to Hawaii or meeting up in some far away place while she was on leave, Catherine began to realize that she was in love with Steve McGarrett and she began to hope he felt the same way.

 

When the Enterprise was decommissioned and she was offered her choice of assignments, she jumped at the opportunity to be stationed at Pearl Harbor. Cath was now in her early 30’s and had begun to feel the pull of having her own family, her own home, a husband and children. And the only person she wanted to share that life with was Steve.

 

At first, when she arrived in Pearl she believed her dream would come true. Steve seemed happy to have her there and they spent a lot of time together, and the sex was as amazing as ever. But after nine months on the island, it was becoming hard for even Cath – optimistic to the end – to ignore the worrisome signs that Steve didn’t necessarily see their relationship as a long-term thing. The problem seemed to be Danny.

 

When Steve first met Danny Cath had been thrilled that they had each other to lean on, especially when she wasn’t available. The short, loud-mouthed New Jerseyan had seemed to fill the empty holes in Steve’s life. The blonde man’s fierce love, support and loyalty to Steve were exactly what the SEAL needed to repair the damage caused by the death of his parents and Freddie. Cath couldn’t help but be grateful that Danny cared so deeply about Steve and that Steve was stronger and happier with Danny around. 

 

Cath believed, as she always had since Steve first started talking about the detective, that the relationship between Danny and Steve was that of brothers and best friends. While it may have annoyed her that sometimes Steve chose to hang out with Danny rather than spend time with her, she refused to be one of those clingy girlfriends who believed her man should dedicate himself solely to her. She wanted Steve to have his own interests and friendships. He was a man’s man and he needed the company of his male friends. She got that. She really did.

 

But lately…well lately Cath had begun noticing things and it was getting harder to keep the blinders on and ignore the worrisome feelings in her gut. 

 

Steve and Danny had always been affectionate with each other. Cath would admit to being surprised at it when she first saw the partners together. Steve was always very tactile with her but she’d never seen her lover be that way with any man beyond the odd slap on the back or punch on the shoulder.

 

But the story was different with the two 5-0 partners. Catherine couldn’t help seeing the light touches they exchanged regularly and unconsciously the little smiles, the nicknames like “Danno” and “Babe.” It was as if they needed to stay in contact with each other to ground themselves or something. 

 

Even when Danny wasn’t around and it was just Cath and Steve, the two partners phoned regularly and texted often. Cath couldn’t count the number of times she and Steve were relaxing on his beach or out on a date and the SEAL regaled her with stories of Danny or Danny and him together.

 

Feeling the need for someone to tell her she was crazy and only imagining her fears, Cath met up with Kono at a bar one Friday night. She figured if anyone could help her make sense of the situation it was another member of 5-0 and a woman who would be quick to see things men might miss.

 

“You’ll think I’m pathetic,” Cath announced almost fidgeting with embarrassment as she wrapped her hands around her ice cold mug of beer. “I’ll sound like some love-sick teenager but…”

 

Kono leaned across the table to lay her hand over one of Cath’s.

 

“Just say it Cath. I won’t judge you. Something is obviously bothering you.”

 

The navy lieutenant swallowed thickly and took a long pull from her beer before looking up at her friend.

 

“It’s just…I guess I don’t really know what to think about Steve’s relationship with Danny and I was hoping you could help me.”

 

Kono seemed to stiffen and she released Cath’s hand to sit back on the padded bench of the small, darkened bar.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

The beautiful lieutenant shrugged and dropped her eyes down to the amber liquid in her mug.

 

“I mean…I’ve never seen Steve behave with another man the way he behaves with Danny. They’re so…affectionate or something. I mean I know they bitch and complain at each other but Steve…his eyes light up when Danny enters a room and I-I just don’t know what to make of it. I’m not jealous or anything I just want to understand.”

 

Kono licked her lips nervously but kept her eyes trained on the navy officer.

 

“They care deeply for each other.”

 

Cath nodded quickly.

 

“Yes, I know and I think it’s lovely. I just, well, I love Steve and I want us to start talking about marriage…” Cath’s voice faded away as she glanced up to see Kono’s face pale slightly.

 

“What? What is it Kono? Do you think I’m wrong to want to spend my life with Steve?”

 

Kono forced a smile to her face and shook her head.

 

“No Cath, not at all. I understand you love Steve and I can certainly see you wanting to build a life with him it’s just…”

 

“What!!” Cath snapped back suddenly angry at the younger woman’s attitude. She wanted Kono to gush over the possibility of marriage between Steve and Cath and assure the Navy officer that the SEAL adored her. “You think Steve doesn’t want me? That he doesn’t want to make a life with me?”

 

Kono seemed to shrink on the bench and she drew a heavy sigh. This wasn’t going well.

 

“I don’t know Cath. Steve and I have never discussed it. He doesn’t share that part of his life with me. But I know you’re special to him.”

 

“But you think he doesn’t love me?” Cath spat back, her voice strident and offended. “You think what, that he loves Danny?” 

 

The navy officer couldn’t quite mask the slightly disgusted sound of her voice. She was not homophobic but that didn’t mean she was going to put up with someone thinking her boyfriend was in love with another man when that was impossible…just impossible.

 

“That’s crazy. Steve isn’t gay. He isn’t bi. He doesn’t love Danny, not in that way. He loves me. I know he does.”

 

Kono nodded again almost sympathetically. That just made Catherine even angrier. When the Hawaiian woman reached forward to cup Catherine’s hand the Navy officer wrenched it away. Kono sighed regretfully.

 

“Cath, I’m sorry if I upset you. As I said, I have no idea what Steve thinks or feels about either of you. I’m sure you’re right and he loves you. Maybe you just need to talk to him. I’m sure that will remove any doubt.”

 

Catherine nodded once abruptly but couldn’t make herself look up into the younger woman’s eyes.

 

“Yeah…that’s what I need to do. Thank you,” she responded tersely.

 

Catherine dug in her pocket and pulled out some cash and slapped it on the table.

 

“I have to go now I forgot I had an appointment.”

 

“Cath…” Kono replied gently trying to reach over and stop the other woman from sliding off the bench. “Please…”

 

The navy officer shook her head and climbed to her feet turning away from her friend.

 

“No, it’s ok. I’m fine. Everything’s fine I just have to go.”

 

The Hawaiian woman watched with a heavy heart as her friend hurried to the exit and out into the bright sunshine.

 

**********

 

Catherine slammed her fists on the steering wheel of her Corvette and swallowed convulsively as she blinked back tears of rage. She didn’t know what she’d wanted from her meeting with Kono but she hadn’t expected the other woman to be so reticent about Cath’s relationship with Steve. 

 

It was obvious that Kono thought she knew something that Cath didn’t but that was bullshit, it had to be. Catherine loved Steve and she knew deep in her heart that Steve loved her and if he’d just give it a shot, he’d see how happy they could be together. How perfect they were for each other.

 

The lieutenant rubbed her hands over her face and released a shuddering sigh. She had to do something about this situation. She wasn’t the type to sit around waiting for problems to resolve themselves. She was a person of action and it was time to take action – both for her own sake and for Steve’s.

 

**********

 

Danny walked through the house and spotted Catherine down at the shoreline gazing out to sea. The detective had been surprised when the naval officer had called and asked him to come over to Steve’s house and talk. Steve was away on reserve training and Danny and Cath wouldn’t normally see each other without the SEAL around.

 

Danny stopped in the doorway leading to the lanai and observed the younger woman for a few moments. She was beautiful; there was no doubt about that. He couldn’t blame Steve for being with her. Cath was smart and brave and took no shit from anyone. She and Steve were well matched and that knowledge made Danny’s heart clench.

 

Danny liked Cath, he really did. She was funny and kind and he couldn’t help appreciating how good she was with Grace or how much she cared about Steve. Danny had no reason to be jealous of the beautiful lieutenant but jealous he was. He knew it was stupid. He’d known for some time that he was in love with Steve but he also knew that while Steve loved him like a brother his feelings went no deeper than that. 

 

But…sometimes Danny would look up and catch Steve gazing at him and the blonde man would allow himself to hope – just for a moment – that Steve felt the same way about him, that Steve loved him. But then he’d see the Commander with Catherine and all of those hopes would be dashed. 

 

Despite Steve’s denials that he and Catherine were boyfriend and girlfriend, Danny felt that someday the two would marry and have beautiful, perfect children. On that day Danny knew his heart would break irreparably but he was also determined to stand by his friend and force himself to share the couple’s happiness. If keeping Steve in his life meant watching the SEAL marry and have a family with someone else, then so be it. 

 

Danny pushed open the back door and walked down to the beach.

 

*********

 

“It’s kind of difficult for me to ask you this favour Danny,” Catherine began softly as she folded her hands tightly on her lap. 

 

The two were sitting on the lanai, a pitcher of iced tea on the table between them. Danny had no idea what this meeting was about but it was obviously weighing heavily on the lieutenant.

 

“We don’t know each other that well,” she continued looking up at him with pleading eyes. “I like you but as I said I don’t know you that well, at least well enough to feel comfortable making this request of you.”

 

Danny shifted in his chair slightly so he was facing the dark-haired woman.

 

“Ask me anything Cath, you know I’ll help if I can.”

 

Catherine gave him a fleeting smile and nodded. She paused for a moment as if gathering her thoughts.

 

“Danny I…I love Steve and I want to make a life with him.”

 

The blonde haired detective felt his heart stutter in his chest but he forced himself to remain impassive. He hoped Cath couldn’t see his hands shaking.

 

“Well…yes of course,” the New Jersey native responded hoarsely.

 

“I believe that Steve and I have a future together. I love him and I want to be in his life permanently. I want us to marry and have children. I want us to build a relationship that will last forever.”

 

Danny nodded quickly dropping his eyes to the table unable to look into the hopeful face of the lieutenant.

 

“Yeah I…sure…I-I want that for you too.”

 

The detective jumped slightly when Cath reached out and wrapped her hand around his forearm. He looked up at her in surprise.

 

“The thing is Danny,” the dark-haired woman continued almost reluctantly. “I don’t think Steve and I can have that if you’re around.”

 

Danny’s mouth dropped open and his eyes widened in surprise. He thought maybe she was going to ask him to talk Steve into proposing not ask him to…what… move away?

 

“I don’t…what are you asking me? Do you want me to leave 5-0 or the island, to get out of Steve’s life all together?” demanded an offended Danny.

 

Catherine gripped his forearm tighter and she shook her head firmly.

 

“No Danny of course not, I don’t want you to stop being Steve’s partner at work, he’d hate that. No, what I’m asking is if you would stay away for a while, away from our personal lives. It’s just that, I don’t want to sound cruel, but you’re always around and I’m afraid it’s interfering in my relationship with Steve. It’s hard enough for us to have time alone with our work schedules but with you around so often it’s that much more difficult”

 

Danny pulled his arm out of the woman’s grip and sat bolt upright feeling his anger build.

 

“You’re telling me I’m ruining your relationship? That I’m keeping you and Steve from finding some deep, abiding love is that it?”

 

Catherine simply stared at him calmly, her eyes seeming to want him to recognize the truth for himself.

 

Danny barked out an ironic laugh.

 

“He’s my best friend you know. We both enjoy hanging out together. Even if I agreed to stop seeing him after hours doesn’t mean he’ll want that.”

 

“I think he will,” Catherine responded quietly.

 

Danny blinked at her.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Catherine sighed gently, her face a picture of sorrow and reluctance.

 

“Danny, Steve cares about you. He worries about you being alone when Grace isn’t with you. He invites you over so often because…well he feels sorry for you. He feels responsible for keeping you happy and for helping you adjust to the islands.”

 

The Jersey native felt his face flush and he swallowed thickly.

 

“That’s not true. I’ve lived on this island for three years. I’m perfectly adjusted to it. I hate it but I’m perfectly adjusted. I don’t need Steve to fill my days for me.”

 

Danny growled out the last line knowing it wasn’t true. He needed Steve to fill his days and wanted him to fill his nights.

 

Cath gave him a tremulous, sympathetic smile.

 

“Then maybe it would be ok for a while if you didn’t come around as much? Would you be willing to keep your distance for a while to give Steve and me a chance to build our relationship?”

 

Danny tightened his hands into fists on his lap unable to find the words to answer her. He couldn’t remember a time he’d felt more humiliated.

 

Cath reached over the table to him again but pulled her hand back when it became obvious he didn’t want her touching him.

 

“Danny,” she breathed softly. “I know you love Steve and you want him to be happy. I can make him happy. I can give him the security and family and normalcy he’s always wanted. You don’t want to rob him of that do you?”

 

“How do you know Steve wants you?” Danny croaked back, “After all this time dating you still haven’t settled down together. How can you be sure you’re what Steve wants?”

 

Catherine smiled shyly.

 

“I’m sure Danny. And Steve will be sure as well – but only if you give him a chance to have the happiness he’s missing. Will you give us some time alone together, just for a little while?”

 

Danny felt a lump grow in his throat and he couldn’t force himself to look at the women. The last thing he’d ever want is for Steve to be unhappy, for Steve to lose the chance to have the life and family he deserved because of Danny. He took a deep, shaky breath and nodded reluctantly. If this was what was necessary to ensure Steve’s happiness then that’s what Danny would do.

 

**********

 

Steve stood in his office staring through the glass into Danny’s office across the hall. The detective was busy on his computer probably doing paperwork from the case they’d just wrapped up.

 

For the last two weeks Danny had been quiet and withdrawn, turning down Steve’s invitations to hang out after work and seemingly doing everything he could to avoid the SEAL.

 

Steve sighed regretfully. He had no idea what, if anything, he’d done to piss Danny off and every time he asked the other man Danny would give him a weak smile and assure him everything was fine. Fuck he missed his friend.

 

Along with all of that, Cath had suddenly attached herself to Steve like barnacle. She was always at his house or if she wasn’t, she was calling him to chat or making arrangements for them to get together. On her days off, if Steve was working, she’d taken to bringing him lunch at work so they could eat in his office while Kono and Chin and Danny went out together. 

 

Steve honestly didn’t know what to think about Cath’s new-found dedication to their relationship. Steve knew he loved Cath, she was a wonderful person, but he didn’t know…well…if he loved her enough; Jesus, what an awful thing to admit about a woman who had given him so much over the past 10 years.

 

Steve dropped his face into his hands and sighed heavily. The truth was, if he was being honest with himself, that over the past year he’d begun having more than brotherly feelings for Danny. Steve chuckled humourlessly to himself. He couldn’t believe it but it was true. The loud, annoying, strutting, yapping New Jersey native had burrowed into Steve’s soul and consciousness like a tick and now he couldn’t imagine his life without Danny.

 

It was a dangerous situation, Steve knew that. For one thing he’d never had a relationship with a man before and for another, what if he started up with Danny and it didn’t work out? His friendship with Danny would be destroyed forever not to mention what it would do to Grace. That’s why Steve had decided long ago that, despite whatever feelings might be growing inside him – and maybe even inside Danny if he was reading the signs correctly – he had to keep their relationship platonic. 

 

Steve pulled his hands away from his face and gazed back at Danny who was now standing near the tech table talking to Chin. The strange thing was that while he’d decided to keep a bit of emotional distance between himself and Danny to hide the fact that he may or may not be in love with the blonde man, that decision didn’t translate into growing closer with Cath and he couldn’t understand why. Cath was wonderful. Any man would be lucky to have her. Steve couldn’t figure out why he didn’t seem to want her that way. They were a good couple and everyone seemed to expect that they would marry someday but for some reason, Steve couldn’t imagine that. 

 

The Commander huffed an angry breath and walked across his office to flop down in his chair. He was such a fucking idiot. Given Cath’s behaviour over the last couple of months it was obvious that she wanted more from Steve, maybe a permanent commitment. Why couldn’t he give her that? Why couldn’t this one aspect of his life be simple? Why couldn’t he love Cath the way he loved Danny?

 

**********

 

Steve knocked diffidently on the door frame of Kono’s office and gave the young Hawaiian officer a nervous smile when she looked up at him expectantly.

 

“Hi boss. Something you need?” Kono inquired as she began to rise from her chair. 

 

The SEAL gestured for her to sit back down at he stepped into the room. Chin and Danny were out meeting with the Prosecuting Attorney so it was just Steve and Kono in the office.

 

“No, thanks Kono I just, I have to ask you a favour and I’m not really sure how to go about it.”

 

Kono gave him a reassuring smile and motioned for him to sit in one of the chairs in front of her desk.

 

“Ask away boss. You know I’ll do whatever I can.”

 

Steve perched on the very edge of the chair as if readying himself to jump up and run at any moment.

 

“It’s uh, it’s not something I would normally ask of a subordinate, even though we are Ohana, but I just don’t know who else to talk to.”

 

Kono frowned worriedly.

 

“OK. I’ll help you if I can boss.”

 

Steve nodded and swallowed hard. He dropped his eyes to the floor and then looked up at the younger woman again.

 

“Something’s wrong with Danny. He’s been avoiding me for the last couple of weeks. We used to hang out together regularly after work but he doesn’t anymore. I keep asking him if something is wrong and he denies it but I know there is.”

 

Kono nodded but stayed quiet. She had a feeling there was more to this story.

 

Steve cleared his throat then suddenly lurched to his feet and began pacing the office. As he spoke he began gesturing with his hands in a way that was so reminiscent of Danny Kono would have laughed if the situation wasn’t so troubling.

 

“The other thing is Cath. I just don’t…I think she wants more from our relationship – like permanence and I don’t think…I don’t know…”

 

Steve growled in frustration and scrubbed his hands through his hair.

 

Kono stood up from her chair and walked around her desk to perch on the edge of it. She crossed her arms lightly on her chest.

 

“Do you love her boss?”

 

Steve stopped pacing abruptly and squeezed his eyes closed. He nodded once then opened them again to look at the young Hawaiian officer. She couldn’t help but see the pain in them.

 

“I do. She’s a wonderful person and I love her but I, I don’t love her enough. Not enough to make a lifetime commitment.”

 

Steve turned away to gain control of his emotions and Kono had to swallow against the lump in her throat. She loved Cath and considered her a good friend. She hated the idea that the young lieutenant was likely to be hurt, especially given their recent conversation.

 

“Is there someone you love more?” Kono asked gently.

 

Steve stood unmoving for several seconds and Kono thought at first she’d gone too far and he would tell her to mind her own business. Slowly he nodded again.

 

“Danny?” she spoke carefully.

 

Steve slowly turned back to the beautiful officer and her heart lurched at the pain and confusion on his face.

 

“I think so,” he whispered.

 

Kono climbed to her feet once more and walked over to Steve putting a hand on his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.

 

“Steve, you need to be honest with both of them. You need to talk to them.”

 

“I don’t know what to say,” Steve replied brokenly and looking at the young officer as if she could supply the answer. “Not to mention I can’t get Danny to talk to me about anything that isn’t case-related. Something has gone wrong and I don’t know what it is or how to fix it.”

 

Kono licked her lips nervously as she let her hand slide off Steve’s shoulder. She shifted nervously from one foot to the other.

 

“Steve,” she began tentatively. “Two weeks ago Cath called me and invited me out for a beer. We had a conversation that didn’t go all that well…”

 

Steve opened his mouth to demand more information but she put up a hand to stop his questions.

 

“What we talked about was private and I’m not going to repeat it but…suffice to say that I think deep down she knows how you feel about Danny and she’s upset and scared by it.”

 

Steve’s shoulders slumped and he dropped his chin to his chest.

 

“Fuck.”

 

“There’s more,” Kono continued causing Steve to jerk his head up again and meet her eyes.

 

“When you were away on your reserve training, Cath called Danny and asked him to come to your house to talk to her. He told me because he was surprised that she’d call him. Anyway, when he came back a couple of hours later he was very upset. He refused to tell me what was wrong but I got the distinct impression that their conversation didn’t go well.”

 

Steve wrinkled his forehead in confusion.

 

“You think she said something to him, something about me?”

 

Kono shrugged her shoulders lightly.

 

“I have no idea but that was about the time that Danny seemed to start withdrawing from you. Whatever happened, you need to talk to Catherine. You need to be honest with her – especially if you feel your relationship is not going anywhere. She has the right to know the truth.”

 

**********

Steve McGarrett, Navy SEAL, intelligence officer, the bad-assed, bullet proof leader of 5-0 stood for several minutes on the porch of Catherine Rollins’ house before he could force himself to knock on the door.

 

He had no idea what he was going to say to this woman he cared about so deeply but whatever it was, he knew he was going to hurt her badly. Steve took a deep breath and let it out slowly before knocking firmly. The door swung open almost immediately and Cath stood in the doorway wearing her BDU’s and smiling at him happily. As it always did, Steve’s heart skipped slightly at her beauty.

 

“Hi sailor,” she greeted him warmly reaching out to wrap a hand around the back of his neck and pull him down into a kiss. “I wasn’t sure if I’d be seeing you tonight. If I’d have known I’d have picked up some steaks or something.”

 

Steve gave her a nervous smile as he stepped into the room closing the front door behind him.

 

“No, that’s ok Cath, I’m not hungry anyway but I – I need to talk to you.”

 

Catherine’s smile flickered apprehensively for a momentarily before she nodded and turned to walk towards the kitchen.

 

“Sure, no problem. Would you like some wine?”

 

Steve followed behind her, not certain how to begin this conversation.

 

“No, no thanks I just really need to talk.”

 

Catherine opened one of the upper cupboard doors and reached in for a wine glass. Steve could see her hand shaking slightly. She pulled open the fridge door and removed a partially full bottle of white wine and poured some into her glass. She took a long drink before she turned and gave Steve a weak smile.

 

“You seem upset. Did something happen at work?”

 

Steve raised and dropped one shoulder.

 

“Yeah you could say that. Danny won’t talk to me. I mean outside of work-related things he won’t talk to me. He’s withdrawn from me almost completely and doesn’t seem to want to be around me anymore.”

 

Cath snorted out a laugh and rolled her eyes.

 

“Oh is that all? I thought it was something serious.”

 

Steve’s jaw clenched in sudden anger. How could she pretend to be so oblivious to how this was hurting him?

 

“It serious to me Catherine, he’s my best friend.”

 

Cath reached over and patted him on the chest like she was trying to calm an angry child.

 

“I know sweetheart I know but this is Danny we’re talking about. He gets pissed about the smallest things. He’s probably just mad about something you did or said and now he’s punishing you with the silent treatment.”

 

Steve shook his head firmly.

 

“No, no way. When Danno gets mad I know about it. The whole world knows about it. This is something else. Something has caused him to pull away and I think you know what it is.”

 

Cath’s eyes widened in surprise.

 

“Me? Why do you think I had anything to do with it?”

 

Steve put his hands on his hips and stared down at the lieutenant in growing annoyance. He could put up with a lot from people but not lies.

 

“This all started when I got back from my reserve duty two weeks ago. Kono told me that you and Danny had a talk at my house and when he returned to the office he was upset. He refused to tell her why but I think you said or did something to trouble him.”

 

Catherine thumped her wine glass on the kitchen counter so hard Steve was surprised it didn’t shatter in her hand. She looked up at him with blazing eyes.

 

“Danny! That’s all you talk about is Danny. How Danny’s feeling. What’s bothering Danny. If Danny’s happy or not. I’m fucking sick of it.”

 

“He’s my best…”

 

“Yes, yes he’s your best friend. I get it. But I’m your girlfriend and I don’t think you worry about me as much as you do about him,” Catherine snapped back angrily. “Just once I wish you’d act like you love me as much as you love him.”

 

Steve stood staring at her for a moment, the sound of their breathing the only thing filling the silence of the room.

 

“I can’t do that Cath,” Steve finally spoke softly, reluctantly. “I can’t do that because it’s not true.”

 

The younger women stared up at him in shock. He watched in growing sadness as a gamut of emotions flashed across her face.

 

“I…what are you saying?” she ground out, her voice brittle.

 

He took a step towards her ready to reach for her but thought better of it. He let his hand drop weakly to his side.

 

“Cath, I love and care about you. You’re an amazing person and I wish to god I could make myself love you the way you deserve to be loved but I…I’m sorry I can’t. I wanted to, so badly, but I can’t.”

 

Catherine’s eyes filled with tears and this time she moved to stand in front of him, her fingers desperately clutching the front of his shirt.

 

“Steve, please, just give us some time. I love you and I know you love me. We can be good together. We make an amazing team. Think of the children we could have. I can give you everything you want in life – a home, a family.”

 

Steve felt his bottom lip quiver and he pulled it between his teeth and dropped his eyes to the floor.

 

“Cath,” he replied brokenly wanting nothing more than to take the pain away from her. “I did try, you have to believe me. When you told me you were stationed permanently at Pearl I was happy. I believed it was a chance for both of us to really find out how we felt about each other, to see if we had a future. I wanted that so badly but…I’ve come to realize over the last months that although I love you and cherish your friendship, I don’t love you that way, not enough to spend my life with you.”

 

Without warning Cath flattened her hands on Steve’s chest and shoved the SEAL backwards as hard as she could. He stumbled slightly and looked up to see rage twisting her beautiful features.

 

“It’s Danny isn’t it?” she shouted, tears now streaming down her face. “You’re in love with Danny.”

 

Steve pressed his lips together and looked away from her unable to respond.

 

“I knew it,” she sobbed. “I knew that son-of-a-bitch would find a way to drive a wedge in between us. He’s never liked me. He’s always wanted you for himself and now he’s got you.”

 

Steve shook his head as he lifted one hand towards her.

 

“He didn’t Cath. He hasn’t done anything. In fact he’s encouraged me to deepen my relationship with you. He’s never said anything about wanting me and he certainly hasn’t done anything to come between you and me.”

 

“I should have talked to him earlier,” Cath continued as if oblivious to what Steve was saying. “I should have told him to get lost earlier when I began to suspect your feelings for him.”

 

Steve watched as the lieutenant stumbled across the kitchen and dropped heavily into one of the chairs. She buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with her muffled sobs.

 

“So you did speak to him,” Steve said in sad realization. “You asked him to say away.”

 

“I wanted you for myself,” Cath sobbed, her hands dropping to the table as she looked over at him with a tear streaked face. “I thought if I could make him stay out of our lives for a while I could make you love me – make you commit to me.”

 

Steve blew out a shaky breath. He walked quietly over to the table and knelt down beside the woman and took one of her hands in his.

 

“It wouldn’t have made any difference Cath. I’m not breaking up with you because of how I feel about Danny. I’m breaking up with you because our relationship has no future.”

 

Steve closed his eyes for a moment while he gathered his thoughts. He so desperately wanted to explain this to her in a way that would allow her to understand. He looked up at her again.

 

“Cath, I’m so sorry. You have to believe me. I’d rather die than hurt you. I wish I could change things. I wish I could change how I feel but I can’t, I just can’t. You need to find someone who loves you passionately, who adores you and wants to devote their life to you. You deserve that, and so much more.”

 

The young woman pulled her hand roughly from Steve’s grip and folded her arms across her chest.

 

“Ten years we’ve been together Steve. For the past four years there hasn’t been anyone for me but you. All of this time I believed we’d be together forever but you don’t want me. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”

 

Steve swallowed thickly and put his hands on both of her knees. He looked up at her pleadingly.

 

“Cath, you’re the strongest woman I know. You’ll get over this, I promise. And when you do you’ll realized it’s for the best you’ll see…”

 

Catherine suddenly slapped her hands over her ears and shifted her body away from him.

 

“Get out Steve. Just get the fuck out!” she shouted.

 

“Cath…”

“Get out!”

 

**********

Danny opened his front door to see a pale, red-eyed, defeated-looking Steve standing in front of him. The detective’s heart lurched at the sight of the usually rock solid Navy SEAL looking so devastated.

 

“Steve?”

 

The dark-haired man swallowed thickly. His voice was hoarse as he spoke.

 

“I know you don’t want to be around me Danno, but I didn’t know where else to go.”

 

Danny’s heart broke at the words. Jesus, if only Steve could understand he wanted desperately to be around him – forever. He reached out and grabbed the taller man by the bicep and pulled him into the house.

 

“Of course you should come here Steve. I’m always here for you.”

 

Steve let out a humourless laugh.

 

“Not the last couple of weeks,” he replied as he walked over to the couch and flopped down on it. 

 

Danny blew out a breath and scrubbed one hand in his hair. This was a messy fucking situation. The smaller man crossed the room into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge. He returned to the living room and sat down on the other side of the couch from the SEAL and handed him his drink. The dark-haired man twisted off the cap and chugged down half of the beer in several swallows.

 

“What happened babe?” Danny prompted gently.

 

“What happened?” Steve echoed in a hollow voice. “What happened is my life is fucked up. I just broke up with a beautiful, smart, sexy woman that any man would give his left nut for…”

 

“You and Catherine…?” Danny interrupted but Steve carried on.

 

“And I have a best friend who can barely stand to be around me. That’s what happened.”

 

“Steve…”

 

“I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me,” Steve barreled on. “I can’t make myself love the person who loves me. Instead I’m in love with someone who wants nothing to do with me. I really am the most screwed up individual. I guess you’ve been right about that all along.”

 

Steve barked out a laugh that sounded more like a sob then raised the beer bottle to his lips and polished the rest off. 

 

Danny’s heart lurched in an equal mix of hope and horror. He’d never seen Steve this broken but…had he really heard what he’d heard? The detective placed his own, untouched beer bottle on the table and slid closer to Steve on the couch. He put a warm hand on the other man’s shoulder.

 

“Babe, tell me what happened. Why did you break up with Catherine?”

 

“I just told you,” Steve replied in a shaky voice. “I don’t love her.” He shook his head. “I do love her but not enough – not in that way. She deserves someone else; someone so much better than me.”

 

Danny gripped the other man’s shoulder hard.

 

“There’s no one better than you Steve. You hear me?”

 

Danny suppressed a gasp when the taller man turned his tear-streaked face towards him.

 

“If that’s true Danno then why have you been avoiding me the last two weeks? Why have you been acting like you can’t stand being around me?”

 

Danny gnawed his bottom lip worriedly as he saw the look of anger and betrayal on Steve’s face.

 

“Steve I, I wanted to do what was right. I thought I was doing the right thing.”

 

Steve reached over and grabbed one of Danny’s hands tightly in his.

 

“What did she say, Danno? What did Catherine say to you?”

 

Danny shook his head and began to stand but Steve held him in place with an iron grip on the smaller man’s hand.

 

“Tell me Danno. I know she talked to you. She admitted it. Tell me what she said. What the fuck could she say that made you think that you had to push me away?”

 

Danny shuddered and swallowed convulsively. The last couple of weeks had been the loneliest and most miserable of his life – even more miserable than when Rachel kicked him out.

 

“She…she loves you Steve. She just wanted a chance to…”

 

“Tell me, Danno!” Steve demanded turning blazing eyes on the other man while tightening his painful grip on Danny’s hand.

 

Danny closed his eyes and sighed.

 

“She told me that you only spent time with me because you feel sorry for me,” the words now tumbled out of Danny. “She told me that I was ruining your chance for happiness by being around so much – by interrupting your relationship. She said if I loved you I’d step back away from you.”

 

Danny opened his eyes slowly and saw Steve staring at him in horror. Without warning the SEAL moved closer to him and wrapped his arms tightly around his friend drawing Danny’s head to his right shoulder.

 

“It’s not true Danno,” the taller man croaked. Danny could feel his solid body quivering slightly. “You were never in the way; you were never interrupting my relationship with Cath. There was no relationship with Cath I just couldn’t make myself accept it so I carried on as if nothing had changed. I didn’t know how to face my true feelings so I chose not to do anything at all.”

 

Slowly, as if the movement would wake him from a dream, Danny wrapped his arms around the SEAL and clung to him tightly.

 

“What…what are your true feelings?” he asked, his heart thumping so loudly in his chest he was certain Steve could feel it on his own chest.

 

Carefully Steve pushed Danny back until he could look into the blonde man’s eyes. He cupped Danny’s face with his big hands. For the first time in their three-year partnership Danny couldn’t read the taller man’s expression.

 

Steve’s stared at Danny for a moment before a soft, tremulous smile flickered over his face.

 

“My feelings? Well, as you know, I’ve never been very good at expressing them but my feelings are that the person I love, the only person I’ve ever loved, is sitting right in front of me.”

 

Danny blinked up at the other man rapidly. He was having trouble processing what he was hearing. It was everything he wanted and he wasn’t used to getting everything he wanted.

 

“Me?” he whispered tentatively.

 

A small, fond smile grew over Steve’s face.

 

“You, Danno.”

 

Danny burrowed his fingers into Steve’s shirt to keep them from shaking too badly.

 

“Are you…are you sure?”

 

Slowly Steve leaned forward and gently brought his lips to Danny’s, kissing the blonde man so sweetly and carefully that Danny thought he heart would shatter. The detective closed his eyes and returned the kiss, adding a bit of pressure. After a moment, the two pulled apart gently and stared at each other, neither wanting to ruin the moment with words. 

 

Of course silence never lasted long with Danny Williams. A slow, happy grin spread across his face. 

 

“Took you long enough McGarrett,” he teased gently.

 

The SEAL rolled his eyes and huffed in exasperation.

 

“You too Williams. You could have made a move yourself you know.”

 

“Hey babe, I’m not the military tactician. I haven’t been to ‘The Stan.’ I’m not trained to plan mission ops. You’re the great and powerful Navy SEAL.”

 

Steve smiled smugly.

 

“You think I’m great and powerful?”

 

It was Danny’s turn to roll his eyes.

 

“Of course, that’s what you’d take from what I said.”

 

Steve opened his mouth to retort but Danny pressed his fingers to the other man’s lips.

 

“Shut up Steven. OK? You need to do a bit of wooing here. I want you to tell me where we’re going on our first date.”

 

“Date?” Steve squeaked out in mock horror. “Why do we have to date?”

 

Danny’s hands flew into the air in frustration.

 

“Why do we have to date? That’s what you’re asking me? You think I’m that cheap, Steven? You think you can show up here with your tattoos and your muscles and your long eyelashes and I’ll fold like a house of cards? I’m a catch you hear me? A catch. If you want some of this,” Danny waved his hands over his own body like a Price is Right girl showing off a car, “you’re going to have to earn it.”

 

Steve smiled and leaned forward until his lips were millimetres from Danny’s.

 

“You want me to earn it huh?” Steve’s voice was low and husky and Danny couldn’t help the slight shiver that shot through his body. “I’ve got a few ideas about how to do that.”

 

**********

 

14 months later

 

Steve let the screen door bang behind him as he walked into the house clutching the day’s mail in one hand and a carton of milk in the other. He entered the kitchen and stopped for a moment to admire the sight of Danny, clad in boxer brief’s and one of Steve’s Navy tee-shirts pulled tight across his broad shoulders, standing at the stove making pancakes and humming quietly to himself. 

 

The detective looked up and gave Steve the bright smile that never failed to make the SEAL’s heart do a little flip.

 

“Hey babe, anything good in the mail today?”

 

Steve shrugged as he dropped the mail on the kitchen table and placed the milk inside the fridge.

 

“Mostly flyers but I did get a letter from Cath.”

 

Danny froze mid way in flipping a pancake and looked over at his boyfriend with mild trepidation.

 

“Cath Rollins?” he tried to keep his voice impassive. “What does she say?”

 

Steve couldn’t help but smile sadly at the glimmer of uncertainty in Danny’s eyes. He knew a small part of the detective still feared that what they had together would go away in the blink of an eye. The Commander only hoped the ring he had in his bedside drawer would remove those fears forever.

 

Steve walked over to the stove and moved in behind Danny to wrap his arms around the other man’s torso.

 

“She’s getting married in a couple of weeks and she’s two months pregnant.”

 

Danny relaxed slightly in Steve’s arms and returned to flipping pancakes as if nothing had disturbed him.

 

“Oh yeah? That’s great. I’m so glad for her.”

 

“Me too,” murmured Steve quietly as he turned his head to bury his face in Danny’s hair. “She said she’s very happy and she understands now that I did the right thing in ending our relationship.”

 

Danny let out a small, relieved sigh.

 

“I’m glad. It was good of her to write and tell you that. Now maybe you can put away your guilt once and for all.”

 

Steve nodded. Part of him had been feeling guilty about Cath and his belief that he’d unwittingly strung her along. He knew he hadn’t done it intentionally but that hadn’t really made him feel better. 

 

Steve held his boyfriend for a long moment just breathing in the scent of Danny Williams.

 

“Danny?”

 

“Yeah babe?”

 

“I’m hungry.”

 

Danny nodded.

 

“Yeah just a few more minutes and we’ll eat.”

 

Steve smiled slightly and leaned over to nip and kiss at Danny’s strong neck.

 

“Pancakes are not what I want to eat at this moment.”

 

Danny sighed in exasperation as he turned to the SEAL and shook a spatula in his face.

 

“You’re an animal, you know this. An hour ago you were whining about wanting pancakes and now…”

 

Steve grinned lasciviously as he slowly lowered himself to his knees and began to tug gently at Danny’s briefs. Danny reached behind himself blindly until he could find the switch to turn off the stove’s burner. He rested his butt against the oven and gripped Steve’s hair with both hands as the SEAL sucked Danny’s half-hard cock into his mouth.

 

“An animal,” Danny repeated his voice suddenly hoarse and dry. “Don’t know why I put up with you.”

 

The end.


End file.
